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Avoidant attachment yields two different separate behaviors—“fearful” and “dismissing.” have a negative self-image, but are also passive and dependent; they actually want intimacy but they are also desperately afraid of being hurt and distrust others.
Fearful avoidants are the hardest category of insecure people to partner with because they send out mixed signals. These working models affect individuals in myriad ways.
Simpson and his colleagues discovered, which makes it even harder to get along when the working models of two romantic partners are different.
After measuring the attachment orientation of each individual, Simpson's team had each member of the couple identify a significant conflict in the relationship and, choosing one from each list, had the couple engage in a conflict-resolution discussion which was then videotaped.
Similarly, an avoidant person may come across as independent and strong.
In a series of experiments, the team discovered that avoidants—despite the fact that they don’t want emotional connection—actually made lots of eye contact and used touch more than securely attached people to seem more appealing in a dating situation.
Needless to say, when romantic partners were like parents in characteristics, however, relationship satisfaction was low.
When we meet someone new, it’s not just our unconscious models that are in the room or at the bar; there are conscious assessments, too.
They were then asked the same question one week later.But for those of us who are insecurely attached, the familiar can be dangerous territory.A study by Glenn Geher suggests that we do tend to choose a romantic partner who is similar to our opposite-sex parent.Eventually, though, the leopard will show his spots.Our working models of relationships not only shape how we act but how we acting—they actually skew our recall, Jeffry A.